Who the hell are you?
by Fantasydotcom82
Summary: Oneshot! "Who the hello are you" "I'm the man who will be the pirate King!" "I'm the Doctor!" "Doctor Who?" "Exactly!" "Arrest them!" "This will be the day that you almost caught the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow!" "Oh for Gods sake! Bloody Pirates!" "I'm a Time Lord, just so that you know!" "Really?" "I'm a rubber man!" "I'm er...captain...Jack Sparrow..." "..."


**I really wanted to try this out - Remaining as a oneshot as I'm also currently writing other fics which deserve more attention than what I'm currently giving them. Cross over BIG STLYE! - One Piece, Pirates of the Caribbean, Doctor Who  
**

* * *

The sun was shining brightly from the ever clear blue sky over the deep blue ocean. The gentle waves rolling over one another as the wind blew from the west. Sea foam splashed up into the air as one wave crested another and against the bow of a smiling sunny lion. The ship peacefully broke through the small rippling waves and towards its destination.

The ship itself was a sight to behold. The figure head of the smiling sunny lion was the perfect personification of the happy looking ship. On the deck was a fresh green lawn with a small flower garden growing an array of flowers along with strange looking vegetation, and a couple of orange bushes.

Beside the flower garden was a small swing by the mast which had a built in bench, where a lazy skeleton was seated with a steaming cup of tea resting in his bony hands. The skeleton was clad in flashy clothes one would expect to see from a rock star; sunglasses pushed up over his forehead. His skull sporting an amazing Afro.

Opposite the strange sight, was a young man sleeping against the railing of the deck. At his side were three katana, which were held tightly in his arms as he slept in the warm sun. This man was clothed in a green robe with a red sash. He looked as if he was in a peaceful state, if it were not for the occasional shifts of his head whenever he heard the random thud from below deck.

Further up the stairs onto a second tier of the deck was a sunbed and small bistro table, where a dark haired woman, wearing a bikini top and a cotton wrap around her hips in a make-shift skirt, was reading over some books whilst enjoying a fruity cocktail. She smiled as she read something interesting in her book.

Further behind her, at the stern of the ship, three figures were sitting on the edge of the railing staring out into the open sea. Each held a fishing pole and a line was cast from each pole. A small sack of bait was placed between two of the larger figures. The smallest figure had the weirdest form; close to that of a racoon crossed with a reindeer. A pink and blue cap was adorned on its head between his two antlers. A content smile was on his cute little face.

The one sat next to him was taller and well defined in muscle. He wore baggy pants held up by straps that crossed over his shoulders. His fuzzy hair was tied back, and a pair of goggles dangled around his neck. His long nose was his most defining feature.

The last figure was snoring as he sat crossed legged on the railing. On his head was a straw hat with a red ribbon. The hat looked battered, but was obviously well cared for. He wore a red open shirt which showcased the ugly scar which crossed across his chest.

There was movement from inside the ship, where three other crew mates were going about their own business.

The wind picked up slightly, causing the sail to billow out; the painted jolly roger of a skull and cross bones with a straw hat made clear. The black pirate flag flapping in the wind above the observatory at the top of the mast. But besides the gust of wind, all was calm and peaceful as the pirate ship quietly sailed the New World of the Grand Line.

* * *

On another ocean, another pirate ship was sailing in treacherous waters; a storm swirling and looming over it. Rain lashing down with no means of ending, as lightening streaked across the darkened sky, closely followed by the snarling growl of thunder.

"Capt'n!" A stout man called from the deck to the helm, "We're tak'ng on wa'er! I don' think she can hold much more!"

The Captain who held the helm grinned wildly, whilst he held a spinning compass in the other hand, "No worries, Mr Gibbs! She'll hold steady!" As he said this, the Captain spun the wheel, drastically changing the course of the black ship, and headed towards the heart of the storm. He stood oblivious to the pouring rain which stung like bees on the skin, ignorant of the close calls the rats on the mast had with the surges of lightening, and ignoring the threatening rumbles of the thunder.

"Capt'n!" Mr Gibbs shouted over the noise, as the sailors realised their course, "What - "

He was cut off as a wave crashed over the bow and swept many a man off his feet, luckily none were cast overboard. Spluttering, and climbing up to the helm along the now lethal steps, Mr Gibbs faced his captain. His crazy captain.

"Jack, where are we head'ng?" The man asked, pulling a flagon from his pocket and taking a quick swig of its contents, "The men are gett'ng restless; they no like the course we've set out on."

"Don't worry, Mr Gibbs," Jack smiled as he passed the helm to his first mate, "Where we are heading, there are treasures to be claimed!"

Mr Gibbs eyes narrowed at that, "Aye, and where may-haps would tha' treasure be?"

Jack smiled, adjusting his captain's hat, "Through the eye of the storm, and to the New World!"

* * *

On another ship, further away and floating among the ocean of stars, moons and planets; a much smaller crew of one was wasting away his time as he fiddled with the controls of the TARDIS and lazily looked for a place to whittle away some more time before he was inevitably pulled into some alien war or dispute, or was needed to save the day. Not that he didn't pride himself of being able to the deed that was needed and be the hero, for sometimes he had to be the villain in order to settle disputes or to save the day. A heavy burden at many times.

Clothed in a trench coat and suit, with a friendly face, the man pulled a device from his coat pocket and pointed it at the controls.

"Come on, old girl, let's find ourselves a little adventure." As he spoke the device squealed and lit up blue as the controls on the panel began to move on their own and the ship whizzed towards its unknown destination.

* * *

"Lunch!" called a rough voice from inside the sunny looking pirate ship, and from a door that led into the depths of ship appeared a young man with blonde hair. A lit cigarette dangled from his lips as he grinned up at the dark haired woman who made her way towards him from the second tier deck. He was wearing a black suit and navy shirt, and he smiled as the woman nodded her head and said her thanks and went through the door. The remaining crew mates barring the sleeping swordsman and skeleton leaped from their perch and rushed towards the enticing scent of food.

The man easily dodged their mad rush for food, and he leaned over the railing to look down on the garden deck, "Oi! Shitty Marimo! Lunch! You too Soul King!" As he spoke his voice became harsh and a frown marred his face in disgust as the swordsman blinked and looked up.

"What the hell, pervy-cook!" he grouched as he stood and started making his way up the stairs threateningly.

"Ah, Zoro-san, it seems its time for lunch, Yo-hohohoho!" The skeleton stood, placing his cup down carefully on the bench next to the pot of tea, "I'm so hungry, my stomach has begun to eat itself, though I have no stomach! Yo-hohohoho! Skull Joke!"

The poor attempt at the joke easily broke the tension which was forming between the cook and the swordsman, and the three made their way indoors.

Inside was a kitchen, with a breakfast bar and a large dining table. The skeleton and Zoro made their way to sit at the bar with a large blue haired man, who was wearing a shirt and a speedo. His arms which massive and oddly rounded in shape and his hands were massive and robotic. His nose was a metal plate, triple chinned, and a blue crazy hairstyle.

The cook took his place in the kitchen and began to serve food to the waiting crew mates.

* * *

"So this is the New World?"

Jack frowned slightly at his first mate, "Mr Gibbs, I said New World, but..." he trailed off.

Before them was an ocean of clear blue. The storm which had engulfed them moments ago had vanished, and now there was no sign of ever being a storm, besides the water gathering on the deck and in the hold. Above them gulls cried out in the clear sunny sky, a few landing on the black sails of the Pearl.

"Aye, Capt'n," Mr Gibbs nodded, "but we 'ere 'ave sailed stranger seas before."

Jack nodded, but something didn't seem to sit right with Jack. Something was off.

"Jack Sparrow!" A sharp shout of an angered woman caught their attentions. She was wearing men's leggings and a top buttoned up to the second button, which Jack sometimes wished was buttoned to the third, or maybe even fourth. Her sea wind swept hair was bulled loosely into a knot, keeping all but a few wild strands from her face.

"Ms Swan, darlin'" Jack swaggered over to the clearly pissed off woman, "What's got yer knickers in a twist, ey luv?"

Elizabeth glared, "Its Ms Turner to you, Jack! And where the hell are we!"

Mr Gibbs cowered behind Jack, his flagon close to his lips. He was never sure why Jack always provoked the crazy governor's daughter. She was a spitfire from hell, and even her own husband could barely control her wild ways. Not that he was here anyways. He had his own ship f the damned to crew, ferrying lost souls and the like. All that supernatural stuff best left in legends and myths. Something that his dear captain never considered, looking at how he sought the fountain of youth and look at where that got them. It took them ages to get the Pearl out of that blooming bottle, and they hadn't even begun to take the rest of fleet from their glassy confines. Best place for them though as there were non to man the vessels to begin with. Best to keep them stored in the captains quarters.

"We, my luv, are sailing the waters of the New World" Jack opened out his arms, and his crew looked up with little interest. All they cared about was surviving their ordeal with the famed Captain Jack Sparrow. Who knew that the crazed rumors and stories were true, and that their captain did seek out the unholy of unholy.

"Of all the crazy schemes, this has to take the top!" Elizabeth screeched, "You promised to take me to Will!"

Jack's grin faltered a bit, which went unnoticed by Mr Gibbs. Oh aye, the captain had wanted to embark on an adventure with Ms Swan. Not ferry her to her damned husband. Though, to be honest which was worse; going to look for a ship damned by the dead, or to embark on one of Jack's crazy adventures which usually ended up with eye-opening possibilities and lots of treasure.

"Will...is busy at the moment, luv" Jack turned and headed to the bow, pulling out his spy glass, "And we are currently looking for an adventure."

Elizabeth huffed. Truth be told, she also wanted to adventure across the seas, but it didn't seem right to leave Will and to follow the stupid captain around. Even though he always found something interesting.

"Ship spotted! She's at the port-bow!" A look out called from above.

"The colors?" Jack called above.

"Non tha' I 'ave ev'r seen, Capt'n!" Mr Gibbs called from the port-bow of the ship.

Jack turned to the look at the ship through the spy glass. He wiped the lenses and looked again. And then again.

* * *

The TARDIS came to an abrupt halt; several of the screens surrounding the center of the large room flashing incoherent nonsense which the solitary man paid no attention to. Instead he pulled a single screen into his vision, and viewed the world outside of his ship. What caught his attention was the fact that the TARDIS had landed in some sort of wooden room with crates surrounding him. Some sort of storage room, or hold. And the gentle sway made the man conclude that he was on some sort of vessel of some kind. A sea ship perhaps?

His curiosity quickly getting the better of him, the man whooped, and leaped down the few steps towards the only doors that did not match the other worldly ship. Two small wooden doors, painted white. Pulling them open, the man strode out of his ship and onto the ship where he had landed his own ship.

As seen from his screen inside the TARDIS, he was indeed surrounded by crates in what was now glaringly obvious a storage hold for a ship. Approaching the crates in avid curiosity, the man was surprised to see many of the English letters and words printed on the wood. One caught his eye the most; "COLA". Surely it wasn't really cola? Seeing an already open crate of cola, the man peeked inside and low and behold, there really were bottles of cola stored in them.

From his quick observation of the room, he had guessed that he was in a slightly primitive era of Earth with their endless need to explore the seas and oceans, however, cola was far too advanced for such an era. Investigating the rest of the crates, the man discovered many food ingredients which could be stored, medicinal equipment supplies, cartography paper and inks and shipwright equipment. No weapons of any sort, unless you count the crow bar and spanner. Items which once again did not add up.

His interest growing, and eager to find out what kind of vessel he had stowed away on, the man headed towards the only exit, before stopping to check that his own ship was safe. Of course she always landed where she could be ignored, and with the miss-perception barrier, the TARDIS was already hard to spot, despite being a bright blue police call box, wedged between two crates of cola.

* * *

Jack blinked before he conceded that what was before him was indeed another pirate ship. But this ship was so strange and so abnormal looking, as well as having the oddest look of just leaving the ship yard. In fact, the ship looked as if it had left a dream and become reality. Curious.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked as she noted the confused but also curious look of the captain of the Black Pearl.

Handing her the spy glass, Jack nodded to the ship which was slowly getting closer and closer, "Take an eyeful of tha', luv, and tell me what ye saw."

Watching the woman once known as the Pirate King of the Brethren Court, and still known as to some, gasp at the odd sight of the approaching ship, Jack fell into deep thought. Which immediately put Mr Gibbs on edge. "Would you really call that a pirate ship?"Her eye still trained on the vessel, "It looks far too happy to be one, especially in contrast with the Pearl."

Balking at her comment Jack spluttered, " What are ye try'ng to say abou' this 'ere ship of beauty?"

Pulling her gaze from the spyglass, Elizabeth threw a dirty look at Jack, "This here ship of yours was once crewed by the damned, or did ye forget that, Jack?"

"Aye, she were," Jack gave her a sly smile, "not many can claim to having the undead man their ship."

* * *

"Yo hohohoho! Pirate ship spotted! Friend or foe, I can not see, even though I have no eyes! Yo hohohoho! Skull Joke!"

"Brook! Where?" A ginger haired young attractive woman called as she ran out to get a better vantage point.

The large blue haired pervert robotic man took the helm awaiting the woman's commands. Everyone else who came outside, except the cook, watched with little interest besides the trio who had been fishing earlier. The long board man and deer like creature were through fits across the lawn, crying their eyes out in fear, whilst the straw hat sat laughing at the duo's antics. The swordsman, Zoro, had settled leaning against the wall, his eye closing as he slowly fell into a doze. The darker haired woman took a seat on swing on the lawn deck, an indulgent smile on her face.

"Just over there, Nami-san," the skeleton, Brook answered pointing a boney finger before glancing up at her, "Nami-san, can I see your panties?"

A lightening bolt struck Brook who collapsed laughing. The straw hat person laughed even harder when the deer creature saw the downed skeleton and started running round screaming for a doctor, only for the long nosed man to shout angrily that the deer was a doctor.

"Oi sis! The ship over there doesn't seem to be doing anything, SUPER, but she looks SUPER worn out." The robotic man called from the helm, having paid more attention to the situation than the others.

Nami nodded and trained her eye on the black ship with black sails. It the ship itself looked haunted, which sent a visible shudder down her spine.

"Ohh! Another haunted pirate ship!" The straw hat called out, and before one could blink he was leaning over the railing and waving at the black ship.

"Luffy!" There was another crack of lightening as the bolt hit the straw hat, but there was no reaction, just a sheepish grin directed at the the fuming woman.

"We are not going to call any random ship to approach us until we know it's safe! We are in the New World you know! Not Paradise! We may be stronger, but I definitely don't want to test out our skills unless we have to."

Scowling at the the lengthy lecture given to him, Luffy sat on the railing and watched the black ship with black sails that looked haunted approach them ever so cautiously. The swordsman too had woken and was scowling at Nami, but he seemed wise enough not to incur her wrath if he put in his own opinion of testing out strengths. Though he kept giving the ship odd glances as he recalled some painful memories.

Long nosed stood by Nami, nodding his agreement, "should we use chicken voyage or coup de burst to get away!" He asked quickly, his keen eyes watching the haunted ship fearfully.

"No," Nami shook her head, we'll remain on course as that ship isn't acting aggressive, not do I think it will openly attack us in that state," she paused, "but to keep on the safe side," she looked at the blue haired pervert, "Franky, give the ship a wide berth and carry on course!"

"Aye, sis!" Franky grinned and steered the ship as ordered. Soon they were avoiding the black ship with black sails that looked haunted, much to Luffy's obvious displeasure.

* * *

"Mr Gibbs!"

Looking to his captain, the first mate waited for command. The ship that looked like a dream ship with the sunny lion figure head and numbers painted on the side seemed to be giving them a wide berth completely avoiding them. A strange reaction from a pirate ship, but then again that was no ordinary pirate ship.

"Make our course," Jack called his interest completely captivated by the sunny lion pirate ship, " we will follow her until she makes land, or if she wishes to engage."

Elizabeth frowned at Jack. He was not one to randomly provoke or attack another vessel, preferring to be the free sprited pirate he was. But choosing to follow a ship until it felt like probably attacking for the sheer audacity of it was pure madness. But then again, she could not see any weapons or cannons on the ship. It looked completely harmless, however as she knew, looks can be deceiving.

* * *

The stranger was amazed as he took in the aquarium which housed a variety of strange sea creatures. Observing for a while, he soon noticed that the whole room was like a bar found in a night club; the lighting dim from the aquarium and soft lamps on small round tables which were placed next to the leather bench which surrounded the glass of the large tank.

Feeling the urge to explore a bit more, he went through another door and found himself in a kitchen - dining room. A blonde man wearing a suit busied himself washing the dishes. The blonde man paused and glanced at the stowaway. He barely lifted a curly brow, and continued to wash the plates.

"Don't mind me," the stranger nodded as he looked around the open plan kitchen and dining room, which was separated by a breakfast bar, "lovely set up you have here."

The blonde dried his hands and moved over to the stove and started cooking, "We rarely get stowaways aboard our ship. What caught your attention to this ship, and why even hide from us all this time?"

The stranger smiled, "I never thought ships were this accepting of stowaways. I am merely passing through; I'll be gone before you know it."

The blonde shook his head, "How long have you been here? You entered from below. There are no entrances which are easily accessed to enter this ship. To do so you first need to get past me in this kitchen, that is of you could get past the rest outside on deck." He paused and added some ingredients to what ever he was making by the stove, "unless you snuck on board while we docked at an island. Which by my reckoning that was either Fishmans Island or Saobody, either way both are a couple days away now."

The stranger raised his brows at the island names, "Neither I'm afraid. And to answer your question, I only just got here."

The blonde shook his head again, "What ever. Not like I care when or where you come from at the moment," he turned and placed a plate of food onto the breakfast bar, "you must be hungry. It's just past lunch"

The stranger approached the breakfast bar and took in the food. It seemed to be some sort of seafood paella, with an enticing aroma. Not one to refuse an offering the stranger took a seat, saying thanks.

"Just eat," the man said as he lit up a cigarette and took in a deep drag, "then we can talk about how you just got here."

The stranger looked up and noticed the lethal aura around the blonde man. Maybe this ship wasn't as kind as he thought to stowaways as he took his first bite.

There were shouts from outside, and the blonde man broke off his stare at the stowaway and glanced to the door. The door banged opened and in ran a small strange looking humanoid. It was crying and wailing as it grabbed the blonde man's leg.

"Sanji!" It wailed,"A haunted pirate ship is following us!"

The stranger's eyes widened as the little fur ball which wore a hat and had antlers on his head buried it's face on Sanji's leg.

The blonde, who the stranger now knew as Sanji sighed, "Is it Thriller Bark? I thought Moria lost all interest in us after we destroyed his ship and broke up his crew."

Taking in this information, the stranger guessed that this was probably a law enforcement ship or some sort of privateer ship if they dealt with pirate ships. Though the haunted part did catch his attention...

"No! It's a black ship with black sails that looks haunted! Nami decided to avoid it, but now it's following us!"

"A haunted ship is stalking Nami-swan!" Sanji fumed, and the stranger wondered how the man came to that conclusion, "unforgivable! Chopper, watch him while I go help Nami-swan."

The little creature, named Chopper, turned from clutching Sanji's leg and squealed in fright only then noticing the stranger's presence.

Released from the tight grip Chopper had on him; the man stomped over to the door that led outside, mumbling about a useless shitty Marimo and a stupid captain.

* * *

"Er, Capt'n?" Mr Gibbs said to Jack, who was watching the sunny dream ship with avid interest, "I don't think she likes us follow'n' her."

Jack grinned, and cocked his head to one side as he regarded his first mate, "Aye, she may just engage yet."

Mr Gibbs' face paled with the thought of starting a battle with the sunny dream ship. The ship adorned no weaponry which was visible, but there could always be some kind of offensive move the sunny dream ship could pull off. They were on unknown waters and with a ship like that sailing these waters, who knew what she had to overcome.

Elizabeth remained silent for once, which set both Jack and Mr Gibbs on edge. A silent Ms Swan - no, now Ms Turner - was an ominous thing to be had.

"She's slowing down," Jack's grin grew larger, "ALL HANDS ON DECK!"

The crew rushed to ready the Pearl in case she needed to be prepared to engage in battle. An unknown ship that defied all logic with its dream like design worried the crew immensely, and they were further sent into their fears by the fact that their crazy captain was trying to provoke it into engaging; either in battle or talks. And with their captain who knew what the outcome would be.

* * *

Sanji stormed out on deck and took in the scene before him.

Franky was holding the helm above him, but he was focused on looking out to sea. Zoro was stood next to him in a doze and the long-nosed man was wailing next to a pensive looking Nami., unlike the rest of the crew who were gathered on the lawn deck; dark haired woman was relaxing on the garden swing and Brook sipped his tea on the bench. Luffy on the other hand was literally shaking with excitement running to take a better look at the so called black ship with black sails that looked haunted.

Looking at the ship that was causing all the commotion, Sanji had to agree that the ship had an eerie aura about it. The ship also seemed to be getting closer.

"Hey, Nami-san," Sanji asked seriously, "why is that ship gaining on us?"

Nami looked at the black ship and then over to Sanji, her brows furrowed in a frown, "I've chosen to slow down, and let them pass. I don't think it is a good idea to have them behind us."

Sanji nodded in understanding, "Better to be the hunter than the hunted."

"And if they decide to attack when passing, we'll be sure to return the greeting ten-fold," the swordsman chipped in, eyes still closed.

* * *

The two ships, one black with black sails that looked haunted steadily gained on the sunny dream ship. Both crews watched another cautiously as their distance decreased, and the likeliness of an attack increasing. Both captains watched from their best vantage point, as as they got a stones throw away, the black ship slowed and matched its speed with the sunny dream ship. Neither ship made a sound as both ships aligned which each other. All this was happening while a small furry creature was semi-hiding in the kitchen of the sunny dream ship, watching the strange stowaway who had somehow appeared on the ship without anyone knowing...

* * *

 **TBC ... Ok I was a tease...I might just make this into a short chapter series if I get the urge once again to write. I'm actually really liking the ideas for this story - I'm adding in another two cross overs later (No I'm not taking any suggestions, as the two I'm adding in later will help to explain a lot of stuff later on). So please Read and Review, and I'm not stealing ideas as this is a Fanfiction website which is basically stolen characters and ideas anyway :D**


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